Not doing much

Well, I'm pretty much the same as last check in. I am not doing well at all with tracking my calories. 

I struggle so much with my finances, always worrying about how, when and if I'll get the monthly bills paid. Add to that, I have my nine year old grandson living with me. His mom just left him with me and is living with her boyfriend. She rarely comes to get him to spend time with him and hardly ever calls to see how he's doing. This too adds to my stress. I worry I can manage financially to take care of he and I both, I worry about my daughter. She drinks and I worry all the time that something will happen to her. The last time I saw her, she looked awful. I asked her about it, she said she was fine. What more can I do for her? I let her stay with me for a while, but she would get so drunk and so verbally abusive to me, that I worried it was just a matter of time before she turned physically violent, I kicked her out. This is when she left her son with me.

So...I eat. I really think if I can just get myself to increase my exercise, it will make a huge difference.  

still at it

OK, I'm still at it. Not going to say it's been easy, but I am determined to do this.

I stopped using the AP I previously mentioned and started using the the food tracker with my Fitbit. It adjusts my calorie needs for the day, depending on my activity. I've set it to lose 1.5 pounds a week. I may be taking on more than I can chew, but we'll see.

The two plus pounds I lost are now one plus. I'm OK with that. 

I started lifting weights. Years ago I started a weight training routine, had surgery that prevented me from starting up again for nine months and tried a number of times to make it a routine again, but haven't been able to stick with it. I know part of this weight loss journey needs to involve some kind of weight lifting, so I added all the weights I have on the weight bar and am just dead lifting it. Started out with just 5 reps, when my legs stopped hurting, I increased it to 10 and will keep increasing it as I go. I'm also using hand weights  and doing some arm work. I am starting out with light weights and increasing the reps before I add weight. Just doing the weights has made a big difference in the way my clothes fit. That is great incentive to keep it up.

I also started adding more calories to my first meal of the day. For example, two eggs instead of one, adding a plant based protein powder to a healthy smoothie. 

My biggest problem is the evenings. I feel like I just eat my way thru them. I started using essential oils, specifically grapefruit oil and Slim & Sassy by doTERRA. Both are to help increase my metabolism and help curb hunger some. I think they have been helping with my metabolism but not sure it always curbs my hunger, but I honestly think my emotions are stronger than the oils sometimes. I don't know. I DO know, I will keep at it.

And so it begins!

Ok, I've been doing this for 4 days now and am now down 2.6 pounds! Now, I know this is not how it's always going to be, but it's a good enough start to motivate me to keep at it.

Want to let you know, I am using an APP that cost me $.99. Don't know if I can mention it here, but it it's similar to a popular weight loss program that have weekly meetings. 

I’m just not going to do it anymore.

I put away the scale. I am not going to count, weigh, measure or journal anything I eat again.

From an early age, I’ve been told that I was fat and needed to lose weight. So begins the endless dieting, weight gain and loss.

That was March 24^th, 2017.

I weigh 10 pounds more now.

I really hate the way I feel, so three days ago I started yet another structured healthy eating plan. I am determined to stick with this. I just can’t keep letting the stress of my life effect my weight. I am miserable about a lot if things I don’t have any control over, this I can control.

So here we go!